Doors and Buffoons

This is without doubt one of those ridiculous silly things that just grinds on me. It’s a hatred that started during my days as a 14 year old shouting down a microphone at Americans on CoD4 (Call of Duty: Modern Warfare for those not down with the lingo). The crux off the issue was that I couldn’t get past them in a doorway, and then I’d get shot by a similarly angsty 14 year old and this would frustrate me. I have no doubt that it was in this virtual world that my real world hatred began

It sounds like the most ridiculous thing but let me put it to you this way. Imagine if you were listening to music through your headphones, and then someone just yanked them out. Or you’re trying to cook on a BBQ and someone throws water on it. These people are stopping you from using the device to complete the essential function that it was designed for. Headphones are for subtly listening to music without others knowing, and a BBQ is for cooking with fire. To stand in a door prevents me from using it for its only function, moving from one room to another. If a door is not capable of this then it isn’t a door, it’s a wall. To further support my point, here is the dictionary definition of a door:

“a hinged, sliding, or revolving barrier at the entrance to a building, room, or vehicle, or in the framework of a cupboard.”

So as you can see, to prevent me from entering room is by its very definition preventing me from using the door for its main function. What you have done, is create a wall. Bravo. You utter buffoon.

I’ll give you two examples of what I mean. In order to board a train you must get through its doors. Equally to get off it you must do the same. Now if you stand in those doors you are preventing someone from getting on/off of the train!

Different people have different tactics for solving the train dilemma, some simply stand still (knobs), some turn sideways (lesser knobs but still knobs) and others actually use a shred of common sense and simply step off of the train, therefore moving out of the door and letting others on/off. These people deserve saluting as they have used some common sense! What I’m getting at with trains is that in order for someone to not only use the door, but also the train itself, you need to clear the doorway! 

My second example revloves around those who queue for the toilet in between the two doors that you must pass through to reach the toilet. Now it may not be common knowledge, but it’s actually a hygiene law to have a minimum of two doors to enter a toilet from a place where food is consumed. They don’t just have that little foyer for no reason. Now during busy periods, people, for some unknown reason, queue in this gap. WHY? Just because there is space doesn’t mean you must stand there! Get out of the way! People want to leave the bathroom, and you’re stopping them! Just stand out of the toilet until there is room for you stand fully in it! Additionally, you’re not only stopping the people you’re waiting for from leaving, but you’re also allowing smells out to those enjoying a beer/their food. Just wait for an additional 3 seconds, this way you can spend more time out of the smells, less time in the toilet AND you don’t subject the rest of us to fat Tony’s beer shits. 

So to conclude I hate it when people stand in doors. You’re preventing them from using the door for its only function. Position yourself to one side of the door, walk through it, or god forbid use some common sense to solve the situation. Clearly I accept that there are times when one stands in a doorway, either to give a message or pose like Zac Efron in some romcom (reserved for when you’re feeling particularly lascivious or its raining). However, most of the time you’re just in the way. So please, for the love of trains and eating pasta in peace, I implore you to get out of the way of the door.

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